The Rayburns, from the new Netflix original series, Bloodline, have some dark family secrets they’re willing to do anything to keep from coming out — lying included. While you may not know the Rayburn clan just yet, The Canadian Press calls Bloodline “a searing family drama.” Starring Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights) and set in the Florida Keys, the series follows a family caught between the ugly truth and the terrible lie that covers it up – a storyline that conjured The Montreal Gazette to reveal they were “unable to stop watching after one episode.”
But let’s face it, we all lie.
White lies make life easier for parents (the park is closed today) or make our kids happy (Santa Claus is coming!). Young kids make up stories as they learn the difference between fact and fiction, while older kids sometimes lie to cover for each other or to stay out of trouble.
No parent wants to catch their child lying, but when it happens, what do does one do? Well, when you face this trial as a parent there are some things you can do. The most important thing you can do as a parent is to keep your cool. From there, you can make better decisions.
What To Do When Your Child Lies To You
Talk About It
Lying is dealt with differently in every family, however, every family should learn to talk about the issue at hand. Yelling and screaming isn’t the way to deal with a lying child. Take the time to talk to your child about the decision they made, why they made it, and why there’s consequences for lying.
Discuss the Consequences
Whether the consequence for lying is time out or loss of privileges, typically a consequence is chosen for a child who chooses to lie. If you’re brave, sometimes you can outline several consequences and ask your child which one they’d like to choose. Make sure you choose consequences that make sense to you your child.
Think back to your own childhood. You may remember lying to your parents because you were afraid of the consequences of something you did. Be sure to explain to your child that lying damages friendships and relationships and may cause people to lose trust in them.
To reinforce this, when you child tells the truth reward them with a hug and let them know you appreciate their honesty before dealing with their actions. For example, if your child admits to calling someone a name, after thanking them for being honest, require them to apologize. If you child lies to you about it though, have them apologize and remove a privilege from them. Lying should incur a worse punishment than a simple misdeed.
Understand Why Your Child Lied
As a parent, you were not born a psychologist. You cannot understand the exact reason why your child lied. You can take the time to understand the situation and why your child took the time to lie to you instead of telling you the truth. Were they trying to get out of hard work? Were they trying to take a shortcut? Were they trying to get out of something? Analyze the situation to better understand why your child lied.
Forgiveness is Important
Remember that every adult in the world has made the mistake of lying at one point or another. No matter how upset you are with your child for lying, it’s important for them to know that they are loved and forgiven. Yes, there are consequences for lying, but it doesn’t mean your child has to pay for their mistake every day for the next month. Let your child know that they messed up, but everyone needs to move on and make better choices in the future.
Check out Bloodline along with some additional kid-friendly titles related to lying and honesty for inspiration.
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
For your little kids:
- Super Why!: S1,E15: Humpty Dumpty and Other Fairytale Adventures: Pinocchio
- Curious George: S1, E19: Truth about George Burger
- Clifford the Big Red Dog: S1, E26: The Kibble Crook
- The Adventures of Chuck & Friends: S1, E9: The Pothole / Chuck’s Perfect Plans
For your big kids:
- Monster High: Frights, Camera, Action!
- H2O: Just Add Water
- Mean Girls
- iCarly: S1, E12: iPromise not to Tell
And for teens and parents:
How do you cope when you catch your kid lying?
Kids seem to be able to come up with some crazy stories when they’re on the spot. This is really good advice and I have been watching Bloodline lately.
Lying is my pet peeve and you are right we all do it including myself. It is something I try not to do to my kids so I set a good example for my kids.
I think I used to come out with some good ones as a kid! Amazing the stories that can be weaved.
thank you for this post. true we are not psychologists but we have to wear many hats
your listed items put things into perspective
Luckily I haven’t really had go deal with this yet. I am not a fan of lying and all my kids know it so it will be interesting to deal with.
I usually call them out on their lies. They get embarrassed and usually that prevents them from lying for some time after that.
At 6 my daughter is just learning about lies. A little scary.
Great tips! We are definitely working on this at our house. I have a little one who likes to tell stories.
My daughter lied a couple of times when she was little, and we had some big talks about that. She’s now one of the most honest people I know!
I think it is important to have patience when our children lie to us. After all, we were kids once and know what it was like to get in trouble with our parents.
Very good suggestions. I prefer to lean on the forgiveness and grace method myself. I definitely talk to them about how lies hurt people but I really don’t pound them for it too badly because my kids are sensitive and they get the point I’m trying to make very quickly. I’m blessed with good kids, I really am.
These are great tips, but the sad thing about lies is that a lot of times you don’t know and never find out that you were lied too; it’s good to teach them to tell the truth and things are better that way!
Truth is always better. I know I’ve told my parents lies & they never found out. Of course, I never did anything stupid either…
These are great tips to follow. It really bothers me when the little ones lie or anyone lies but I do understand that white lies sometimes are necessary.
My son was always the worst liar. He gave himself away every time. This is really good advice. Whether we want to admit it or not, our kids are going to lie to us at some point.
Awesome tips to do. This will probably be helpful for me in the near future.
I love the ideas. I think lying is a phase that should be taken seriously
My son has discovered the art of lying and to me that is the worst thing possible. Great tips to keep in mind
These are all great tips! I agree, we all lie & its is very important to keep yourself cool rather than getting mad about it when your child lies. Understanding why they lied & forgiving them is more important for sure.
I always try to talk to my kids calm to see why they lied and I usually get an answer, these are great tiips.
I find this one super tricky to handle as a parent!!! Thanks for the guide and tips 🙂